newyorknative | Yes I want you, and that’s the way it is

Entry tags:

fiyero tigelaar : winkieprince

Yes I want you, and that’s the way it is

[ aka wicked ii: lost in new york ]

Peter tucks Fiyero into his side with a grin, queuing up the video and settling down to watch. Fiyero seems settled as well, truly settled, and for a moment Peter zones out, shapeless colors moving on the screen in his eyesight, wondering. Wondering how it could really be like this, a moment so unbelievably domestic that Peter briefly wonders, for a second, if it's real, or if maybe the stress of existing has finally made him crack. Because the stress is there, always, perpetually, but at this same exact moment he's happy, and that seems like it should be an impossibility.

And for someone who can throw a truck, that's, well, a lot.

True to form, Fiyero reels him back from the edge of rumination with a gentle touch, pressing food to his lips, warm skin shifting against his own. Peter accepts everything he offers, though he does demand sips of water from Fiyero in exchange, holding the cup up to Fiyero's lips every so often. After making him sweat - figuratively and literally, muscles taut and mouth engaged - Peter wants him hydrated. Trust him... charley horses in the middle of the night sucked.

He checks his phone, opening a text from May. A selfie, with her bug eye glasses in the bottom of the frame, showing off the new MRI machine at the hospital. Peter smiles, saving it immediately. Normally he would send her one back, but Peter doesn't dare confront the embarrassed flush that lies for him on the other side of that door. He knows it would make her brilliantly happy, but he also knows he might very well die if he adds her happy to his happy. They always did work each other up that way, two emotional people sparking, catching alight. The difference was, they used to have Ben in the middle to bring balance to their little family unit.

Instead, he sends her a text - that's the biggest camera i've ever seen! 📸 - and after a moment, offers her what he can:

fiyero's coming to dinner tomorrow
if that's okay?

...maybe he can add a little of her happy to his happy.

They are very good at looking out for each other, in all sorts of ways. Fiyero might not always ask for the kind of care he yearns for, but most of the time he will at least accept it when offered. Peter is similar, occasionally putting up an argument, but easily convinced. Fiyero too finds himself... remarkably happy. If not free of troubles, at least they can have these moments.

He seems to sink further and further into the bed as they watch, once he finishes his plate and sets it down on the chair. An arm wrapped across Peter's waist, his stubbly cheek resting on Peter's chest as he snuggles into him as much as he can while still seeing the screen.

It does start giving him a little bit of a shoulder cramp though, so he reluctantly pushes himself up again. "You were saying something about a massage?" he prompts cheekily as Peter writes something in his phone. Peter's got this sweet little smile, and Fiyero wants to burn it into his brain forever - and give him many more of those, hopefully.

Peter clicks the phone shut even as it buzzes - her response immediately enthusiastic, he's sure, he doesn't even need to look - countenance pleasantly rosy. He sets it aside on the nightstand, reaching out eagerly to Fiyero when he pushes himself up, hand caressing his cheek. "Mm, yes I think I do recall that..."

"C'mere," Peter divests his lap of the computer, setting it aside on the desk. He prods Fiyero's shoulder playfully, guiding him towards laying down on his front and pillowing his arms. His palms smooth up Fiyero's biceps, over his shoulders, settling in the high center of Fiyero's back as Peter shifts himself, pulling a very similar straddling maneuver as Fiyero did earlier. He tucks his knees so he doesn't put the whole of his weight on Fiyero, giving himself the space to move. "You must be tight, after that."

"And this morning," Peter leans down to murmur in Fiyero's ear, hands kneading slowly but firmly down his back, then up again, with a calibrated amount of pressure. "You're very ambitious..."

Fiyero is easily arranged, following the encouraging nudges Peter gives him. He lies down with his head on his arms, able to turn his head towards the desk to continue watching the rest of the episode at least partially paying attention.

It's just nice to have Peter touch him like this. A massage is great, of course, but getting one from Peter is particularly wonderful. They're very tactile when it comes to showing affection, and this is yet another way they can do it.

Fiyero snickers a little at Peter's suggestive comments, back tensing up briefly with the laughter before relaxing under his hands. It feels even better than anticipated, so he'll definitely be making the occasional quiet moan of appreciation. "I am, yes. Still have plenty of untested ideas, too," he answers cheekily.

For how different they are, there are certain ways they're the same. Peter might have been briefly worried about his tendency towards romance, but he doesn't have to worry about this. Fiyero welcomes his touch, and gives his own freely, coaxes Peter to do the same. He's so aware all the time, it's relaxing to just bask in Fiyero's presence. Taking the opportunity to memorize the planes of Fiyero's body certainly doesn't hurt things, either; Peter sets himself to making sweeps up and down Fiyero's back, methodically rubbing out his muscles.

"I hope the show isn't giving you inspiration," Peter teases, beaming at the soft moan he gets out of Fiyero, knuckles rolling down his lower back. The Mythbusters are doing something with hairspray and a lit match, and Peter bends to brush a quick kiss to Fiyero's hair. His hands move, shifting to rub along Fiyero's arms, then down his sides, anywhere the rope could have pulled.

"Not so far," Fiyero answers with quiet amusement. It's more difficult to concentrate on it now, full of food and having an amazing massage, making him just want to take another nap - but he doesn't want to nap the entire day away, and once the fullness eases, he'll probably get another burst of energy.

"Not a big lover of fire. So don't worry, I won't accidentally burn the house down," he continues playfully. It's entertaining watching it from a safe distance on the screen though. That sort of appreciation of the raw power without having to be actually close to it himself.

Fiyero tugs a pillow under his head, then shifts to put his arms down his sides, giving Peter access to other parts and also relaxing his shoulders in a different position. It's very pleasant, the loosening of his muscles and the touching of the sore places - as well as the kisses that just make him feel nice and warm and content.

"No?" Peter hums quietly, with interest, but also willing to let it drop if Fiyero wants it to. He can't say he's a huge fan of it either, but then, the most his experience extends to is May's gas range and running through burning buildings (it happens more often than you'd think). It's not as though he's ever really gone camping or had to start a fire himself.

Peter does another pass over Fiyero's back, rubbing everything out, watching as Fiyero grew more and more relaxed, tension in his muscles easing, loosening. He drags his thumb down Fiyero's spine, rubbing on either side of it, pursuing any twinges with attention and care.

After a bit, Peter shifts, moving down to Fiyero's legs. Thigh, calf, all the way down to his feet, Peter rubs out his tightness, until he feels the muscles relax in his hold. Good; Fiyero deserves to feel good, on all levels, at every stage of his day.

"Mm, wildfire in the plains is intense," Fiyero answers with a small shrug. No big story attached to it or anything, or at least he doesn't think so. It's just something he knows not to mess with. He does know how to light a fire though.

Mostly he just is too comfortable to maintain conversation. The massage is making him pleasantly zone out, half absorbing what's happening on Mythbusters, as he feels like he's slowly melting into the mattress. Especially once Peter moves onto his legs as well. This would be very good foreplay, and to some extent it might still end up being that. Though it might take a moment, as he's starting to feel rather unwilling to move.

"You're very good at that," he murmurs happily, his body basically turning to putty in Peter's hands. Well, once Fiyero regains his energy, Peter will benefit from Fiyero feeling good, at least.

Peter makes a noncommital humming noise of understanding, though he can't deny he's slightly fascinated. As Fiyero well knows, he's never been outside the city - and while he has run into his fair share of burning apartment buildings, a wildfire eating up acres upon acres of land sounds like a different beast entirely.

Peter sets into a rhythm, careful strokes of his hands, the kneading of his thumbs and knuckles, alternating. He smiles at Fiyero's drowsy mumble - evidence of his contentment, Peter thinks, rather than actual exhaustion - and the way his body seems to slump down into the mattress, tension evaporating.

"It's about pressure," Peter murmurs back, bending Fiyero's leg at the knee to get at the soles of his feet, thumbs rubbing out the muscle carefully. Fiyero's mostly healed, after his traipsing around Manhattan, but Peter avoids his heels to be safe. "And attention to detail..."

He turns back around, when he's finished with Fiyero's legs, going for a gentler round two on Fiyero's back. Now that he's relaxed, Peter can work the tendons of his neck with a more delicate touch, head cocked to the side to listen to the tiny pops in Fiyero's spine when he helps him rolls his shoulders. Peter leans down, pressing a kiss to an unblemished patch of Fiyero's skin, smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "But I'm very glad you're enjoying yourself, baby."

Fiyero hums, his eyes closing again. He's opening and closing them based on the sounds from the show now, letting them close when they're just standing around talking, but occasionally opening them to watch when something more exciting or interesting or confusing is happening.

He smiles warmly at the kiss and the response. Peter is an amazing boyfriend, so lovely and caring in so many ways, devoted to making Fiyero feel good. Even when he isn't getting sex out of it.

"Mmm, I'm gonna pay you back later, darling," he promised, shifting his hand (on the other arm than the one Peter is currently working on) to caress Peter's leg with his fingertips. Just a small touch of affection.

He knows he doesn't have to 'pay him back', that this isn't transactional in any way. Peter keeps insisting as much, while also wanting to even the score when he feels guilty about coming more often - which you'd think means Peter thinks it's only transactional when it's in his favour, and that can't stand, obviously. Really, Fiyero's words are more a promise for later, letting Peter know he hasn't forgotten. Though really, how could he forget?

"Every time you call me that," Peter bites his lip, slightly pink with admitting it, but maybe it's easier when Fiyero isn't fully looking at him. His hands continue smoothing down Fiyero's back, working out every kink he can find. "S'payment enough, 'yero."

He likes it - it's no secret, at this point, he's said as much - but he really does. Fiyero's lazy, accented drawl, the affection he infuses into the word and the simple touch to punctuate it - Peter really, really likes it. Being Fiyero's darling. Belonging to Fiyero is no hardship, and getting to pour his own devotion back into him, without rejection - yeah, Peter's pretty sure he's making out like a bandit on his end of this deal.

"This," Peter lets his hands smooth over Fiyero's biceps as the massage slows, settling down on top of him - letting his weight act as a blanket, warm skin sliding on skin. Peter nuzzles into Fiyero's neck, lips brushing over his throat. "Mm, it's nice..."

Fiyero's smile widens at Peter's pleasure at the nickname. It makes him want to say it all the time, though he also likes getting a little bit of a reaction out of it, so he doesn't want to overuse it. Then again, it feels like it would be difficult to do too much of something nice.

He hums happily as Peter settles on top of him, shifting a little to accommodate. Moving a foot to hook around Peter's ankle, taking his hand to pull it up to his mouth and kiss it. Making sure the human blanket is very welcome.

There is the small horny part of his brain that has the impulsive thought to offer Peter fucking his thighs in this position, as a warm-up to the pay-back. He resists, partly for the comfort, partly the cleanup, and partly having plans.

"Alright, so no payment. A bonus. Winning a random prize," Fiyero suggests, quietly playful. He gives the impression of being sleepy, but really he's just very comfortable. "So, do you have any requests for your prize? Something in particular you would like to do? Or have done to you, perhaps?"

Peter folds his fingers into Fiyero's when he takes his hand, allowing Fiyero to manipulate his arm until it's partially curled around him, Fiyero's foot brushing up against ankle soothingly. Peter makes a soft noise of happiness, tilting his head to lazily watch the video playing in the background - is it still the same myth? Peter's lost track, focused on Fiyero and getting to touch him.

It probably isn't going to help him beat the besotted boyfriend allegations, how very much Peter's not even thinking about sex. Well, beyond how attracted he is to Fiyero, which seems a given, at this point. He's just soaking up the contact, exhaling softly against Fiyero's ear.

"You're the prize," Peter protests, equally as playful. His hand squeezes Fiyero's, two firm pumps before they settle against the sheets, still entwined. "Um..."

Clearly, he hadn't thought that far ahead, about what Fiyero could do with him - or rather, what he wanted Fiyero to do with him. What he wants and what he gets in life are usually so incongruent, it's not worth contemplating. But Fiyero's asking and he doesn't have an answer, and Peter tries not to feel like a total dweeb about it.

"I don't know," Peter says, voice low, almost apologetic. "I'm uh... pretty easy to please, I guess. I just... want to be with you."

Which sounds so lame, and Peter feels his cheeks heating, so he buries his face in Fiyero's hair, muscles shifting over top of him. He was focused on whether or not tying him up could be viable, he hadn't considered what they'd do once he was. "...I don't want to have to hold back. To think about controlling myself, you know? If, um... if that's possible. And it might not be! I don't actually know if this will work."

The show has long since moved on from the exploding toilet myth. They seem to put multiple in the same episode, though Fiyero's attention isn't very devoted to it anymore. In fact it immediately fades into the background the moment they start talking about sex. Unsurprisingly.

It doesn't surprise him that Peter doesn't have an answer ready to go. They've already experimented far beyond what either of them imagined, and Peter doesn't really ask for things for his own pleasure. Fiyero's not too worried about pleasing him. But if there are some fun ideas in there, Fiyero does want to coax them out. Fiyero himself is mostly running on old fantasies, brand new inspirations, and whatever impulses that occur while having fun.

"You're definitely getting that," Fiyero answers warmly, kissing Peter's hand again. He can almost feel the heat of his embarrassment, though Fiyero is probably just imagining it from the bashful sound of his voice. Fiyero is patient though, giving Peter time and room to think it over.

"Well, I'm up for trying if you are," Fiyero answers encouragingly, once Peter elaborates on what the appeal of being tied up is. It makes sense, it occurs to Fiyero. Peter has a lot of power and seems constantly aware of it, especially when it comes to hurting Fiyero. Of course he'd want a break from that. Fiyero can relate, even if his control has more to do with composure than physical strength.

He starts shifting a bit, nudging at Peter to lift himself up a bit. Though once Peter does, Fiyero simply rolls over onto his back, wrapping his arms around Peter's waist and pulling him closer, getting him to settle back on top of Fiyero while they can look at each other - or snuggle into each other's necks.

"So, what do you think would make you lose control?" Fiyero asks, smiling a bit cheekily. "Being teased? Coming repeatedly? Being touched in a certain way? How do I drive you wild, darling?" He definitely emphasises the pet name, and the slightly smug look is simultaneously very warm and affectionate.

Peter... might have a few. Buried in there somewhere - like the thigh fucking. That was pretty alright, wasn't it? And he definitely has a few long dormant fantasies that have been re-awoken by that gag they bought. Curiously, none of the formless masturbation material has ever involved him in the gag... not that he'd be opposed. But those kinds of fantasies never really crossed his mind; he tried being the submissive one in encounters he wasn't emotionally invested in, and it really did not work for him. None of it worked for him, but especially that: vulnerability. With Fiyero... it's different. He trusts Fiyero, and trust is not an easy thing to come by... least of all like this, knowing he can be fully himself, without reservation.

Peter shifts, accommodating the wordless request and adjusting so Fiyero can roll over and they can tangle together, easy and comfortable. One of Peter's hands folds beneath Fiyero's arm, warm against his shoulder; the other reaches up, brushing Fiyero's hair out of his eyes, from where it's floofed on the pillow.

"I don't know. I've never - lost control." Peter admits, again almost apologetic. Like he should have, maybe, in preparation; what's a nerd's worst nightmare, aside from a test they haven't studied for? But of course, it makes sense that he's never lost control. The closest he's ever come was ripping that pillow the other day. This is... new territory for them both. "Probably being teased. I don't know what the upper limit is on orgasms..."

No one's ever tried to get him to come as much as Fiyero has, including himself. It mostly happens incidentally - or it did. He wets his lips, biting the lower one and ducking his head, bangs flopping over his eyes as his gaze drops to the sinuous lines of Fiyero's clavicle. It's not the talking about sex that's doing it, exactly - but if Fiyero keeps calling him by that affectionate nickname, it's definitely doing something.

"Tugging my hair." Ah, finally something actionable! He's mumbling it into Fiyero's chest like it's a confession, but at least he's being honest. "Everything is... you know, dialed to 11."

"I like kissing." His lips drag up Fiyero's neck to his jaw, nuzzling there, just breathing him in. Like he said, his senses are heightened. What's going to drive him wild? Everything. "I like tasting you..."

Based on their activities so far, Fiyero would say Peter makes a very good submissive. Sometimes not as intensely, where it's more like Fiyero is taking the lead or giving some challenge to Peter. But then when Peter was on his knees, getting his mouth fucked? He seemed very into that. Using the gag on Peter has definitely occurred to Fiyero, and he might - but unlike the webbing, the gag would be more of a reminder than a restriction. Not something he can fully lose control with. But then, Fiyero definitely has no intention of having anything in Peter's mouth while making him lose control.

Or trying to, at any rate. He's very aware that needs to be approached gently, cautiously. He'll work up to it, and try to play off Peter's reactions. And he knows that he wants to make sure Peter feels appreciated and wanted and loved. That any admonishment would be very gentle, if he gets Peter into any sort of vulnerable headspace again...

Fiyero's definitely taking mental notes, even as he's tracing gentle patterns across Peter's back, giving Peter encouraging little nods to show he's listening. Letting Peter think it through in his own time. The admission of 'tugging my hair' earns Peter a pleased noise, one of Fiyero's hands coming up to run through Peter's fluffy hair. Yes, they both like that, but it's nice to hear Peter point it out.

Fiyero hums in happy acknowledgement, cupping the back of Peter's head as he nuzzles into his neck, letting him hide there. No big surprises, just nice specifications. Having Peter actually say things he specifically likes is a win it itself, right.

"Well, I like everything you've said so far," Fiyero answers, his voice warm with a smile, playing with the hair at Peter's neck. "And, it does feel different, when you're tied up.. Makes everything stronger," he shares, giving a bit of quiet honesty so that Peter isn't the only one having to be a bit vulnerable as they talk.

"I mean.. When I had you on your knees. You weren't physically tied up, but you still seemed.. Like you lost yourself in it a bit. Did you like that?" he asks, voice earnest and almost a little shy. It occurs to him that it had both hair pulling and getting to taste Fiyero quite strongly. And it was Peter being controlled. He didn't lose control exactly, but he relinquished it to Fiyero's will. He still had to keep his control, but he didn't have the responsibility of choosing what to do with it...

There is a difference Peter can't quite articulate, where the line between being dominant or submissive and being confident blurs. Peter doesn't know where he falls, in the dominant/submissive spectrum - though he supposes if it's up to Fiyero, they're going to find out, together. But as he said, he's never truly been able to test it; at least, not without worrying about a thousand other considerations. The confidence... well, that's pretty self-explanatory. Fiyero seems more at home in his own skin than Peter can ever remember being, and while Peter feels like he's been doing a decent job so far, this is a bigger step forward.

Still, Fiyero almost makes it feel easy. He just accepts Peter's answers with encouraging noises and gentle touches that make the tension coiling at the base of his spine ease. Fiyero's hands find their way into his hair and Peter smiles against his neck, something dopey and terribly gooey, if he's being honest. This is what he likes. The truth of the matter is that he'd let Fiyero do just about anything he wanted, provided Fiyero kept making him feel desired, cared for. Maybe that's not the healthiest outlook in the world, but when did Peter ever claim to be well-adjusted?

"Yeah?" Peter retreats enough from Fiyero's neck to peek at him, wide brown eyes peering up at him. He rests his cheek against Fiyero's shoulder, hand sliding down his back, keeping Fiyero held close. "It seemed... intense. Good intense, but, uh... 11's pretty strong. Guess we'll see what happens with 12."

"I... did." His gaze drops to the hollow of Fiyero's throat, the appealing line it makes down to his chest. Everything about him is attractive, and while logically Peter knows he knew that since the moment they met, he also knows what he feels for Fiyero now is making it ten times as strong. Heightened to 11, indeed. "It was hot, you were - hot. It's never been like that before. "

It certainly didn't hurt matters that it touched on a few of Peter's likes and no apparent dislikes. He doesn't mind being controlled - and he doesn't mind being challenged to control himself. It's when the control is a distraction from being in the moment, out of very real necessity, that it's not as fun. But perhaps the webs will fix that...

"I just, ah," Peter huffs a soft titter, tilting his head to press a light kiss to Fiyero's shoulder. "I wanted to make you happy? And I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it's true and I guess - when I failed, you know, at first - that got to me. But you told me how to fix it."

He heaves a sigh, closing his eyes briefly, his own hand curling to rest in Fiyero's hair, buried in blond locks. "And then I didn't have to worry about it. Just had to focus, and I guess I did... get lost in it, a little. It's really never been like that before with - anyone. Just you."

They honestly seem well matched in that they both seem to drift along the dominant and submissive scale. For Fiyero it seems to almost depend on mood. Perhaps it's tied to something deeper, need for control or need for freedom, but he's not sure he's fully aware of that in the moment. Ironically, Fiyero feels somewhat selfish when he wants to be submissive. Even when he's offering himself up to be used, it's not quite as much about making Peter happy as it is satisfying some need in himself.

Perhaps it makes a difference that he knows Peter doesn't truly want to simply use Fiyero for pleasure? Obviously he enjoys it, but in a way where he probably wouldn't if Fiyero wasn't invested in it. It's when Fiyero has been more dominant that he's felt focused on Peter's needs. Maybe that's how it should be? He wouldn't ever want to really exploit Peter, after all. But at the same time, it does give him a thrill, to have that power over Peter. Being able to give Peter something he wants or needs makes Fiyero feel good.

They're probably more alike than they even realise, in some ways. It makes it easier to figure things out together, especially when they can put themselves in each other's shoes so well too. It's also lucky for Peter that even if he'd do just about anything for Fiyero, Fiyero would never want that to be something Peter didn't enjoy. If Peter can't protect himself, at least Fiyero will do his best to. And that sort of consideration is probably part of why Peter feels so strongly and wants to give him so much in the first place.

Fiyero smiles when Peter admits his motivation was simply to make him happy. It's interesting, Fiyero hadn't really planned for making Peter fail, but it worked out. Maybe that was part of it, triggering that kind of emotion? While then being given a chance to be good. It's interesting, but it also seems kind of risky. Fiyero can't help but think of that vulnerable look when Peter hadn't understood why Fiyero laughed. How such a simple thing could affect him.

"I think it's pretty obvious that I haven't had anything like this with anyone," Fiyero answers sweetly. Peter being his first would give him very high expectations - and if he had any plans of having anyone as his second, that might matter, but it doesn't really. "I don't.. really know what I'm doing," he admits with a soft huff. "So it's important you tell me if there's something you want, or something you don't want. Even if you thought you wanted it and you changed your mind..."

They have the safewords and all that, but Fiyero thinks that's something they mostly save for when it's clear it's too much, not when something feels mildly iffy. So for something like tying Peter up, he definitely wants to make sure he gets to be able to talk - at least most of the time. Not springing anything new on him while his mouth is stuffed, at the very least.

At the end of the day, neither was truly right or wrong, so long as they were both enjoying themselves. Different things can be good at different times, satisfying their own inner needs, or paying more care to each other's. For as much as Peter is supposedly the experienced one here, maybe he could stand to take a page out of Fiyero's book and look inward, at what he likes. What makes him happy - without it being so intrinsically tied to making his partner happy.

And yet, it's also true that he's always been this way. He'd declared himself to Gwen, right before everything fell to pieces. You're my path. Right or wrong, they'd never know, but he meant it. Just like he means it now, with the devotion and loyalty he's offering Fiyero. Maybe the thrill Fiyero gets from exerting power over him isn't inherently bad either, the same way Peter's loyalty isn't - but protecting it, protecting him, that's part of the burden. Protecting him... even from himself, when the need arises.

Fiyero's already done more than anyone else has ever managed - just look at them now, curled around each other. Peter's as well-rested, well-fed, and emotionally stable as he's been in ages, and definitely more than he was when they first met.

"An honor I take gleefully," Peter teases softly; humor, wrapped in true feeling. It's not obvious, not until they have those little moments together - when Fiyero is trying something new, that wide-eyed, electric excitement. Getting to do this - to tie Peter up and have his way with him - it's not just about Peter experiencing something new, but Fiyero, getting to explore as well, and why would Peter ever deny him that?

"Of course, 'yero." Peter's eyes flutter open, and he props himself up enough to look at Fiyero seriously, fond smile gracing his lips. "Always. The same goes for you, even when you're the one in control. No one is ever forcing us to go through with something."

His hand looses from Fiyero's hair, fingertip tracing down his brow, the angle of his nose. Reverent, charmed, touching because he can. Peter's finger dips to Fiyero's lips, brushing against the bow of them, before he follows it with a light peck. "Might be easier to tell you what I don't like."

Peter hums quietly in thought, gaze tracking over the planes of Fiyero's face as his hand makes another pass, dragging his fingers along the cut of Fiyero's cheek. "I don't like cold, generally. It feels bad, and when sensory things are unpleasant, I can get overstimulated, which can be painful and trigger a sensory overload attack. Which isn't... just one thing, so you honestly don't need worry about that. It's more like if I'm overwhelmed on a couple of fronts? I'll warn you, but I doubt it gets that far."

"I don't like being hit," His voice softens a little at the admission, fingertips slipping along Fiyero's jaw. "Spanking is okay, if you want. Kind of hot, sometimes. But don't hit me. I get more than enough of that with my day job."

It's an attempt at a joke, but it does beg the question of when the hell someone hit him during sex. Peter tucks his hand under his chin, propping himself up on Fiyero's chest as he looks imploringly up at him. "And... don't be mean?"

Again, seems self-evident, especially after their previous experience. Peter wets his lips again, gaze flitting away, to the shadow of Fiyero's jaw. "You can tease me all you like but... just don't be mean? I don't like that. Even when it's just a game, I - "

He huffs, eyes sliding back up to Fiyero's. Honesty has been their best path forward so far, so. "We're having sex because we care about each other, and I don't really want to pretend otherwise."

Fiyero doesn't have any objections to Peter getting pleasure from making Fiyero happy. But Fiyero wants to do the same thing for Peter, and that does require him having at least some preference. Though, perhaps Fiyero really should try to play on the whole 'pleasing Fiyero' thing more. Give him some goals and praise for achieving them? He's done it a bit, but not very intentionally...

Peter does make him happy though, quite easily. Just the fact that they can have this conversation, softly reassuring each other of how much they respect and care for each other's well-being and happiness and comfort. Fiyero doesn't think he's every been shown this kind of consideration. It still feels foreign, and in a way he's reminding himself as much as he's reminding Peter. He can easily imagine himself pushing through something even if he feels uncomfortable. They're just lucky it hasn't really had a chance to happen yet.

Fiyero leans in to give Peter an appreciative peck on the cheek as Peter returns the sentiment, smiling happily as Peter traces his features with his fingertip. Maybe together they can both get better at not doing things they don't want to.

He doesn't really expect Peter to have a list of kinks and things he wants to try. But maybe they'll uncover more and more of them over time. What actually surprises Fiyero a little bit is that Peter does have a list of things he doesn't like, and that he's comfortable sharing it. It feels like an even deeper level of trust, and it makes Fiyero's heart swell in his chest as he listens. He keeps touching Peter's back encouraging, expression curious and open.

Fiyero's mentally making notes - no cold, that's easy enough. Not something Fiyero had thought to play with. Once again he decides to pack a sweater and a blanket for Peter if they go swinging.

Peter getting sensory overload is important though. Fiyero found himself chasing overstimulation a bit - at the very least as a fantasy, but in general too. Mostly physically - bright lights and loud music don't sound appealing. But intense and overwhelming pleasure and pain, to the point where he can't even think? It's what the post-orgasm stuff was about, really. Something he might want to explore some more, on the receiving end.

That doesn't mean he necessarily wants to dole it out. He does want to overwhelm Peter - make him lose control, as they've talked about. Fiyero did keep thinking about what it would be like to just keep dragging orgasms out of Peter. But this makes him second-guess that. At the very least, he'd want to make sure Peter was in on the plan and able to warn him. It does at least sound like it's mostly unpleasant sensations that are a problem, and Fiyero doesn't really want to focus on them either.

He certainly doesn't want to hit Peter, and his arm tightens a little around Peter's waist at the way his voice softens. Even spanking doesn't sound appealing beyond a playful slap on the butt. It occurs to Fiyero that while experiencing pain might he arousing to him - in the right context and amount - he's not really interested in causing pain. At least not unless Peter was really into it, which it certainly doesn't sound like.

Fiyero's expression is already one of soft sympathy and affection and concern, but it seems to intensify tenfold as Peter tells him not to be mean. Like his heart is breaking for Peter and he just wants to scoop him up and keep him safe, tucked against his chest. He's nodding in agreement as Peter finishes, that he never wants to pretend they don't care.

Before Fiyero can even get to responding, he reaches up to cup Peter's cheek and kiss him. Sweet and prolonged, quite chaste but still lingering. A reassurance, a promise, and a thank you, all in one. Thank you for sharing this with him.

"I promise," he whispers as he breaks the kiss, still hovering an inch away from Peter's face. He brushes his hand through Peter's hair a couple times, leans in for another quick peck, before letting his head fall back to the pillow - arm still looked protectively and perhaps possessively around Peter.

"You know.. when I asked you to be mean to me.." Fiyero says after a quiet moment, thinking back to his request when Peter had first tied him up. "I also didn't mean that you shouldn't care. I meant it more like.. not being too gentle, and not giving me what I wanted. Trying to see how much I could take, that sort of thing. I wouldn't want you to.." Fiyero sighs, looking around for examples. "I don't know, start insulting me or something? Or try to hurt my feelings? And I don't want to do anything like that to you either."

It seems important to specify. He hadn't really been in a headspace to explain in depth at that point. But Peter had taken the request in the perfect direction, with the context of Fiyero's other requests. Being teased and used and played with. Fiyero's pretty sure he would have to pretty explicitly request it for Peter to start being insulting or cruel, and Peter would probably feel weird about it - no matter how much he'd want to please Fiyero. Who knows, perhaps there is some sort of situation where Fiyero would want that - if he needed to work out something, or... well, who knows? But he doubts it's anything he'll want to explore in the near future. And he can't imagine ever wanting to do that to Peter. Certainly not when he looks at him with those imploring eyes and asks him so sweetly to never pretend not to care.

The fact that Fiyero even cares to have this conversation - as if Peter needed any more proof that Fiyero feels for him, genuinely, that this is all far from transactional - is heartwarming. Fiyero listens intently, takes his dislikes in with a thoughtful tilt of his head. Peter knows it might sound silly, like with the cold thing - but after being blindfolded and tormented with a surprise piece of ice once, to the point of overstimulated tears and a very much not enjoyable 'lay back and think of England' moment - well, there's always a reason for the rule, right?

Truth be told, Peter is a little nervous showing preference at all. He doesn't mind most things, is willing to try anything legal and sane at least once, probably. It is a deeper level of trust, leaning on confidence that Fiyero isn't going to turn away from him if he says something Fiyero doesn't like. That they can talk about this and respect each other - that Peter doesn't have to suck it up to get Fiyero to stay interested.

Frankly, though, he would. He's sucked it up before in exchange for a shade of joy that pales in comparison to the smiles Fiyero manages to pull out of him.

Peter accepts the kiss with a surprised noise at the back of his throat, fingers curling in Fiyero's hair briefly before they smooth against his chest. He's pleasantly pink and staring moon-eyed at Fiyero by the time he breaks the kiss to make his promise, settling there in Fiyero's embrace. Fiyero makes him feel wanted, always. Physically, emotionally, and Peter soaks it up like a sponge, hovering close for a moment. He scoots up to pillow his cheek on Fiyero's shoulder again, enjoying the feeling of Fiyero's fingers brushing lightly through his hair, the way those beautiful, emotive eyes of Fiyero's always seem to strike him right in the heart.

"I knew what you meant." Peter assures him, hand extending to loop figure eights on Fiyero's collarbone, dipping down towards his chest hair every few loops. "Just like when I was - you know, talking filth. You knew I didn't - that I don't - uh - just see you as a toy."

Peter's absolutely averting his eyes for that one; it's easier to spew crude nonsense in the moment than it is to discuss it seriously later. He shrugs helplessly, wrapping an arm around Fiyero's middle. "Some people like it. Being insulted, or offended. Hot enemies thing, I guess. That's not... really my speed."

Once again, too much of it in his day job. Not to mention the terrible reality of Harry's situation - someone he loves, turning on him, wishing him nothing but the worst; and going out of their way to inflict physical and emotional harm on him, in pursuit of the highest amount of damage? Yeah, Peter doesn't really need to add any more malevolence to his life, least of all his sex life. Intimacy of this nature also exposes true insecurities, and if Fiyero were to turn around and be cruel when Peter was in a moment of vulnerability - some things, super strength can't save you from, and it would most definitely crush him. Teasing him for coming too quickly is different than mocking him for it, for example.

If Fiyero asked him to be intentionally antagonistic... well, they can discuss these kinds of things, and it would definitely take a discussion. It's not something Peter would stumble into organically on his own; but he is willing to experiment, to try things, and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work (doms can safeword too). They can just do something else; he doesn't think Fiyero would be mad, and that's what makes Peter willing to entertain it in the first place.

"You know we can have normal sex, too." Peter teases gently, though his humor sobers a tad when he presses his lips to Fiyero's throat. "Not that I don't like this, I just mean... don't feel like we have to do something wild to have fun or keep it interesting, okay?"

"I'm just happy to be with you," Peter's voice softens even more on the last sentence, arm tightening around Fiyero's middle. He means it, because of course he does. They could dry hump fully clothed for a week straight, and it probably wouldn't even occur to Peter to complain.

It's a strange conversation that Fiyero is honestly stumbling through. He's not used to discussing sex, nor talking about boundaries, or... even emotions, really. Peter makes him feel safe to try. It feels like their bond is deepening even just as they lie here talking, under the pretense of just figuring out how to have better sex. It's not really about the sex, of course. It's about getting to know each other, fully and deeply.

As scared as Fiyero was of that a mere week ago, now he just wants to dig deeper. He wants to know all of Peter's deepest thoughts, the embarrassing secrets, the buried shame, the silly delights, the weird interests, and yes, the filthy fantasies. But he doesn't really know how to have those conversations. Yet he will stumble through it anyway, trying to figure out how to open up about the same things in return.

It does reassure him a lot, he finds, knowing what's off-limits. There's more extreme ones they haven't really mentioned, things Fiyero saw hints at in the store or glancing through the book. But anything extreme, he also doesn't think Peter will introduce impulsively. If Peter doesn't like hitting, there's no chance he's going to start really hurting Fiyero, for example. Or.. Fiyero doesn't even know. Bathroom stuff? Or things he can't even imagine.

And if something strange or uncomfortable comes up, well, then they talk or safeword if need be.

Peter really does seem open to a lot though, and knowing what to avoid, Fiyero feels a bit more confident experimenting, if he has an idea. Maybe it'll fall flat, or maybe it will be a surprise success. As long as he doesn't hurt Peter, then they can play around and explore together.

It's comforting and reassuring, having Peter just idly touch him while they talk. Fiyero's affection is less restless, just holding Peter with their legs tangled together, comfortable with their almost excessive closeness. Like they're trying to figure out how much skin they can press against each other, fitting limbs together like puzzle pieces.

Fiyero smiles with amusement as Peter gets embarrassed talking about what he said. Fiyero's not much better - it's a lot easier doing things than talking about them. "Fun to pretend though," Fiyero comments softly, smile in his voice. Just in case Peter wants to make him his toy again. It was very hot, and Fiyero would enjoy more of that sometime.

He hums thoughtfully at the talk of the more mean stuff, insults and the like. Fiyero doesn't find it hot, necessarily. Not exactly. But just like being a toy, some part of him is a little curious of what it would be like, being degraded like that - and yet still being wanted, being valued in some way, despite whatever shortcomings he might have. (He's always seemed to be valued for things other than himself. His looks, his abilities, his status, his obedience - and thereby losing that value if he didn't perform to whatever standards people expected of him.) Peter always makes him feel valued, but there are some things that run deep. But beyond a moment of idle curiosity, Fiyero brushes the thought aside.

Those are definitely things they should never do impulsively though. Fiyero only needs to imagine Peter's vulnerable look to know he could never say anything to really hurt him. If he ever did by accident - and he has, sometimes, if not as severely - he would spend much longer reassuring and trying to repair the damage.

Even teasing about Peter's sexual sensitivity, he knows to be careful of. He knows Peter has real shame and embarrassment about it. And Fiyero could definitely point it out, or even cause it to happen - but he wants to remain steadfast in his belief that it's something positive, or at the very least neutral. Gently punishing him for not being able to stop masturbating is one thing, trying to challenge him to hold back an orgasm, sure... But if Fiyero's the one in control, Fiyero never wants to act disappointed or disapproving at how Peter's body reacts to him. If anything, Fiyero has trouble pretending not to be absolutely delighted every time Peter comes.

Peter pulls him out of his ruminating by mentioning they could have normal sex sometimes, and Fiyero laughs, giving Peter a fond squeeze. It is sweet, that Peter makes sure to say. And it's not wasted - Fiyero probably could get wrapped up in trying to make it interesting, the same way he was very intent on being confident and adventurous in the beginning. Making up for any lack of experience by being a quick learner, to almost prove himself - including to himself. But thankfully, even if Peter hadn't said it outright, Fiyero thinks he still would have known. Peter really seems content with whatever Fiyero wants to give, as long as Fiyero still wants him.

"I know," Fiyero answers, pressing a kiss on the middle of the mess of hair on the top of Peter's head. "Me too. Or the same exact kind of weird sex, over and over," he adds with another soft laugh, though he too absolutely means it. "But I can't help it, there's just so much I want to try with you. We can save the normal sex for when we're too exhausted to think but I still can't keep my greedy hands off you," Fiyero continues, suddenly turning playful as he nuzzles almost aggressively against Peter's ear, grabbing handfuls of his side and his butt. There should be zero doubt that Fiyero wants him - enthusiastically, wholeheartedly, and with great joy.

Peter doesn't mind the stumbling; he's more than guilty of it himself, as evidenced by his perpetual word vomit. In those first days, Fiyero was far more guarded than he is now - they both were, but Fiyero had it bound tight, tight enough to send him spiraling into a panic attack on May's bathroom floor. The casual nickname, slipping out of Peter's mouth on instinct, on feeling, was like a knife to Fiyero's soft underbelly. Peter's glad they've been able to walk that down, to resolve even the tiniest bit of turmoil Fiyero finds himself in. He can't do much for Fiyero's situation, but he can do this. He can offer this, for whatever it's worth.

It might seem crazy - hell, it probably is, most things in Peter's life are - but this is the one thing that feels like it makes sense. Peter's only fallen in love once, but it was hard, fast, a bolt of lightning striking him dead center and lighting a torch he still carries, even now. With Fiyero, it wasn't quite the same, but similar enough that Peter can admit to himself that his feelings were burgeoning, from the moment they met. Maybe in some ways, it was inevitable; after Fiyero displayed his bravery, his kindness, his fun-loving personality - the real one, not just the public mask - how could Peter not hold a candle for him? His type has always been intelligent sweethearts.

But this will take time, getting to know each other. For two people who aren't used to letting someone into their inner world - much less someone who genuinely cares to be there, who treats that soft underbelly with respect and compassion - it will take time. They might not have as much as they think... but Peter's not thinking about that right now. That's a 'burn-that-bridge-when-we-get-to-it' situation.

More pressingly, this is Fiyero's first time with a relationship of this nature, a fact Peter has to keep reminding himself of, because it feels so natural and easy. Fiyero handily made his way to third base - but fourth is uncharted territory for him (and the scary things in Fiyero's book? Next level ballgame.)

"Oh, I had fun. I didn't mind that..." Peter chuckles, pressing another kiss to Fiyero's throat. He doesn't seem to mind Peter's boundless energy, the way he's always moving, the desire to be close. Maybe that will ease up, in time; but it's hard to want to stop. Setting aside the sword hanging over Fiyero's head that admittedly intensifies everything - on a physical level, it's hard to want to. Peter's senses are dialed to 11, so skin on skin contact? The cuddling, the brush of Fiyero's warm hands, reeling him in and keeping him there? It feels good. For someone who routinely gets his ass kicked and only ever gets hugs from his Aunt, he'll take as much of the casual intimate touch as Fiyero is willing to give him, and maybe not even fully realize that's why he's doing it.

"I like the weird sex. Weird sex is good," Peter teases with a smile, laughing again when Fiyero gropes at him shamelessly. He squirms half-heartedly, not even bothering to try and get away. They both know he could, but he definitely does not want to. "I want you to be able to try anything you want. Even these - you know, things I don't necessarily like - if there's something you want to try, let's talk about it. I'd tell you if there was a problem. That's what the safeword is for, and this. Pillow talk."

Peter's thumb strokes lightly against Fiyero's hip, face tilted up to look at him. Normal sex, as it were, has its place. Peter probably should have put his foot down the first time, for Fiyero's first orgasm at his hands (or mouth, as it were), but Peter's weak spot is most certainly giving Fiyero the things he wants. It's okay, they're both learning, and it all turned out fine in the end. Privately, though, Peter vows to himself that he won't let that happen for Fiyero's first time having penetrative sex. No, if ever there were a time for missionary... whether Fiyero wants to top or bottom, whenever that happens, Peter will make sure he's okay.

Shaking himself out of his reverie with a new, faint dusting of pink on his cheeks, Peter lets his gaze wander, trailing down Fiyero's chest. "You seemed to enjoy the gag we bought, which is good because we definitely haven't seen the last of that one."

Fiyero wants his filthy fantasies? Peter's got a few, and he's sure the opportunity will present itself. Ropes are another interesting tool, but now that Fiyero has given him the idea to utilize webbing... there may be more that's possible, without needing to do any other construction projects in the apartment...

Fiyero was guarded and he was experiencing some of the most stressful and upsetting things in his life. Honestly, it's no wonder he had a breakdown, and that he didn't let Peter in. But it was one of the first times Peter truly proved that he could be trusted to be let in, that it made things better to do so. It's been difficult not to let Peter in after that. Being wrapped up in blankets and platonically cuddled with an easy movie, snacks and drinks and no demands. This may not be a safe world, but Peter, and May, they were safe places within it.

It took him longer to deal with his feelings, and the - not entirely unfounded - assumption they were unrequited. In a way, he feels like he's almost overdue for another breakdown, what with how intense everything has been. But at least a lot of it has been good intense. Hopefully he won't break down in May's bathroom again. Though at least this time, if he does, he won't need to hide it...

He's trying to hide less and less, fighting the instinct to keep things inside. Some things, he doesn't care to even think about, much less discuss it. Things from his past, his family - he doesn't see the point of bringing these things up. (Well, the point would be knowing each other better - he knows this, really, he just doesn't want to admit it.) But about his feelings, his wants and needs right now, with them? It's getting easier.

Especially when they can laugh about it, playing and joking and keeping things light enough. Balancing out the sincerity with silliness. Fiyero's groping ends up with him curled up even closer, if that's even possible, now with his face nuzzled into Peter's neck half the time, except for when he emerges to look at Peter. "Pillow talk. I like that," Fiyero observes, having never heard the term before. Fiyero takes Peter's openness at his word, even if he won't really miss most of those things.

The fact that Fiyero's first blowjob - received, not given - had those kinds of power plays as part of it probably wasn't the best idea. Getting Peter to pin him down, bringing him to the edge before pulling back, it might have set a strange sort of standard? At least it wasn't like when Peter told him not to touch his hair - that had been more difficult, including emotionally. But then, they've had more a bit more uncomplicated orgasms too since then, so it's not like Fiyero feels like he needs to be pinned down, or doing something similar to Peter. The first blowjob he gave felt very safe, Fiyero allowed to explore and practice at his own enthusiastic pace. And even with the intense first blowjob, Peter did still make sure he was okay. It certainly wasn't disappointing.

"I did enjoy it, yes," Fiyero agrees, still cuddled up, one hand having just settled on Peter's butt now. "In moderation - but definitely using it again." He's not sure he would like to be silenced like that for the entire duration of a longer encounter, but used for a purpose like that, yeah, it was great. Perhaps it would be easier to keep the ball gag in longer, rather than the open one. They should try that sometime too. Being prohibited from talking was a different sensation than being kept open like that - he thinks he could endure the former longer, probably? He's not sure until he tries, and he wants to try.

"Mmm... Do you think I should shave before I go down on you again though?" Fiyero asks, softly playful. He follows it up by nuzzling into Peter's neck again, but this time he very intentionally rubs his stubbly scratchy cheek against the soft skin of Peter's neck.

So much of Peter's life - and now their life, because this has all become Fiyero's normal, now, at least until they figure out something to assuage the situation - is spent surviving. The monotony of daily life - making rent, turning in assignments, catching his train on time - but also surviving the threats, too. Peter doesn't dare to look ahead, because the endless what ifs might send him spiraling, but - if they had the time? In a world where neither of them were worried about shadowy figures hunting them, maybe things could be different.

Peter's much the same, honestly. He had a stress dream involving Gwen, but the dream was about Fiyero. About failing him, too, and the fear that came along with that. But he hasn't had his usual rotation of survivor's guilt nightmares, and whether it's because Fiyero makes him happy or because he's consumed with the current problem - Peter knows they'll come back eventually. Maybe for Fiyero, those deeper issues will resurface... only when it's safe enough to dedicate the energy to dealing with them.

If they're together long enough, it's bound to come up. Peter wants to know these things - wants to know everything. Researching Oz and listening to Fiyero talk about Winkie Country at length was awesome (and no, not just because Peter is a nerd) - and it almost occurs to Peter just then to ask. That's what pillow talk is for, isn't it, those deeper questions? Fiyero's hand is on his ass, smile warm against his neck, and Peter lets his hand rise to curl in Fiyero's hair, hugging him close.

He almost asks, but the stubble surprises him, and Peter lets out a squeak. The sensation raises gooseflesh on his neck (the good kind), and the involuntary whine that tries to fight its way out of his throat gets choked off into a cute squeak, but Fiyero's far too close not to have noticed.

Yeah, even Peter has to admit he liked that.

"Probably," Peter finally manages, fingers stroking lightly through Fiyero's hair. "Even though I'd heal it might be - um, distracting."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject