nobody's gonna save you now

[spideyguy]

Someone's following him.

Peter noticed the tail an hour ago, at the park - the person unknown triggered a slight shiver up his spine that he had to manfully tamp down on, so as not to automatically turn his head. He ends up using the reflection off a lady's sunglasses to confirm there is, in fact, a person just outside of his periphery, hovering in his blindspot - he can't make out who, exactly, but it's certainly enough to spook him. Why would anyone be following him - as Peter Parker, no less? Out in his civvies?

Alright, maybe he can think of a few reasons. Selling pictures of his alter-ego, for starters - it wouldn't be the first time someone had thought Peter Parker might have a lead on Spiderman, though usually people bought his "I use a long telephoto lens" excuse and moved on. Sometimes he walked around in his civvies so as to avoid undue attention when he was casing an area with criminal activity - had someone seen him, and earned him a spot on someone's shitlist?

At least his sense isn't pinging danger persay, but Peter also isn't in the habit of sticking around to find out. So he tries to lose them, as only a native Queens resident can.

Peter's got his skateboard, backpack slung off one shoulder, so he goes zipping down Liberty, weaving in and out of the pedestrians like a bat out of hell. He makes a turn at the Tastewell bakery, cutting through a narrow alley and into the backdoor of the smoke-shop-slash-adult-video store - then back out the front, doubling around off 124th. He doesn't stop until he's eight blocks away, ducking into a coffee shop and taking a post in the back corner, leg jittering.

He doesn't dare swap into his suit - he could, he wears it underneath his clothes most days and today is no different - but depending on what exactly is going on here, it's not like he wants to encourage any rumors that Peter Parker has a direct line to Spiderman. The barista is glaring at him, so Peter hastily buys a coffee, squirreling back to his seat before anyone can try to kick him out.

Maybe he lost his tail? Peter pulls out his notebook to continue working on his latest web formula, though he's caught between fussing with chemical equations and doodling anxiously in the margins, occasionally sneaking up glances at the door. If only he could be so lucky - but Parker luck was pretty much an oxymoron at this point.

[ AKA the bodyguard AU ]

Comments

[spideyguy]

Spiderman's relationship with Deadpool is...colorful, to say the least. As with all things with Wade, it tended to start and end with a bang (no apparent pun intended - he's talking more the, dude-walks-around-with-grenades variety). His assistance had definitely proved a boon more than once (even if, sometimes, he was a hindrance), and more to the point they surprisingly got along - when Peter wasn't webbing a gun out of his hand. Still, he never could have guessed this was Wade's aim. He didn't even know what the hell to call it - hooking up with Spiderman?

Peter has always been oblivious to being the object of someone's affection. Gwen was his first requited love (he's not touching the Harry shaped box in the corner with a ten foot pole) and they'd stumbled along with one another the way that teenagers do - since then, his so-called love life been fairly...dry. That's not to say he hasn't found his way around a party of two, during his undergrad; but drunken fumbling in the back of a room stinking of weed - when Peter couldn't even get drunk - wasn't exactly his idea of a good time.

Anyway, all of it is a moot point, because Wade flirts with him all the time. Overtly, brazenly, and with plenty of kissy faces aimed in his direction, through that shockingly expressive mask of his. Peter just never thought Wade was serious about it, because it always sounded like he was making a joke out of it! Frankly, Peter's not altogether convinced this isn't an elaborate joke, right now. He eyes Wade dubiously, trying to figure out how best to wriggle his way out of this (so far, he's got a big, fat nothing.)

"I know as much as you do. His usual patrol route, I mean, but sometimes he changes it up. You're the one out there - swinging around with him, or whatever, right?" Trying to keep Deadpool at an arm's length has, quite literally, failed. Maybe if Peter had given him his number - or at least, his burner phone number - he wouldn't be having this conversation right now. He'd refused, mostly because he didn't think he could trust Wade not to send him a million texts and run the burner out of minutes. Again - he had not realized Wade was being sincere in his attempts to hit on him. To get into his spandex, if nothing else (and what else would it be?)

"No, I don't think he does. Definitely not with the mask on." Peter had signed up for Grindr for a grand total of one hour before he'd deleted the app wholesale. Some things just...weren't meant for his audience of one. "No, Deadpool, I'm asking you - you're trying to hook up with Spiderman? That's what this is about?"

[notryanreynolds]

Oh Peter was absolutely correct in his concern that Wade would text him non-stop. When the man got bored, and that happened often, he found very interesting ways to entertain himself. What could be more fun than blowing up Spiderman's phone with every thought that crosses his mind? Or sexting him when he should be focusing on where he was aiming his gun? But Wade is determined to get that number one way or another. Even if Spiderman never actually returns his interest, they damn well are going to be best friends here soon!

A little snort leaves him and he sets his phone back down, having deleted the app in the middle of downloading it. The dweeb is probably right, Spiderman wouldn't have a Grindr profile with his mask on. And the guy underneath the mask is probably cool enough not to need it. Alas, he will have to continue on with his plan of pretty much stalking this little photographer and use him to win Spiderman's approval. Unfortunately that does mean that the photographer is going to have to end up in danger, but important plans sometimes need sacrifices. It's fine, he won't let the kid die or anything.

Wade glares from under his mask and he tightens his grip on Peter's shoulder. "I'm not trying to 'hook up' with Spiderman." There's a more serious tone to his voice now, a sign that he isn't playing about this piece. "A group of girls were trying to summon my heartmate and he's the one that showed up." He explains, like that makes it all make sense to anyone but him. Ridiculous how he can say such things and keep totally serious. It isn't a small thing to him, that Spiderman is the one he wanted deep down in his soul.

He manages to shake it off, though, peeling his arm off Peter and relaxing back in his seat. "We're going to be like Patroclus and Achilles. Way too busy being romantic as shit and having non-stop sex to worry about any of the bad guys. And sure, that'll be bad for the rest of New York. But that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Anyway, that's what the Avengers are for." He waves a hand as if to show that he's not worried about it. "The rest of them are too old to get it up, they can handle aliens or whatever."

Wade lifts his hand, rolling up his mask so that it sits along the bridge of his nose. He steals away Peter's drink and takes a long sip, giving a content sound as he sets it down empty. "So. I keep you from dying, you tell Spiderman I'm a real hero, and then sex. Yes?"

[spideyguy]

It was bad enough when Wade went around leaving him graffiti, which Peter did his best not to respond to because then it would only encourage the behavior - which did put into perspective how seriously Wade was trying to get in contact with him, come to think of it. Hence, you know, this. Tracking down Peter Parker, just because he happened to take a few good photos of Spidey. It's his own fault he gets into these kinds of situations, and yet. He's gotta make rent somehow.

How quickly Deadpool flips from goofing to serious never fails to give him whiplash, although this time it doesn't come with the familiar warning zing up his spine. He's not about to shish kabob Peter Parker, after all (dear God, he hopes not) - not like the time they'd taken on that human trafficking operation off the bay. Still, the tight grip on his shoulder isn't inspiring much confidence that Peter can get out of this.

But then Wade mentions the heartmate thing. Peter definitely remembers that incident. Not every day his ass gets magi-zapped to Toronto. Good thing he was already in the suit, because what the hell? He hadn't put much thought into what exactly the witches were doing with the spell - not after they doused him in human ashes, anyway, bleh, and then, oh yeah, took over his body.

It's not surprising the 'heartmate' aspect of it faded into the background, given everything else. He's got one guess as to what it's supposed to mean, however, in context, and now Peter is openly staring. "You think you and Spiderman are meant to be because a bunch of girls performed a...summoning spell?"

Look who you're talking to, Pete, of course he does. He stifles a sigh and the urge to bang his head against the table (not an unusual occurrence, in Wade's company), one hand fiddling anxiously with his pen. "Listen, that's - really great for you, uh, if Spiderman - retires to...sex marathon with you. But I think you've got the wrong guy here! I'm not in danger. You'd probably be better off actually saving someone who is, you know? To - impress Spidey, or whatever."

"Have you also considered - asking him out?" Peter's really passing the buck to his future self with this one, but if there's any hope for avoiding this clash with his civilian life, he'll try anything. "Does Spidey know how you feel?"

[notryanreynolds]

Occasionally Spider-man got all morally superior and lectured Wade, but he didn't actually go around killing random innocent people for fun. He killed bad guys that commit crimes so bad they simply couldn't ever be redeemed. Someone had to do it. So, no, he wasn't actually going to slam Bea through the photographer's skull. At least not while he was in his right mind. Well... as right as his mind got.

There was still some obvious irritation at being questioned, but the idea of marathon sex with Spiderman would cheer any guy up. So Wade gave himself a moment to imagine it, and god it was beautiful. Spiderman was so flexible and Wade knew he could make him feel amazing... Peter kept talking, interrupting his fantasy. Rude, really.

"I save people that are in danger all the time. Little old ladies crossing the street at monster truck rallies, cats in flaming trees. All that stuff." He waved a hand, dismissing that idea as one that would work. Clearly Wade needed to save someone special to Spiderman, and so far Peter Parker was all he had been able to come up with. The guy was otherwise quite tight lipped about the rest of his life, hell bent on making sure no one (not even his BEST FRIEND) would be able to track them down in case they wanted to hurt them or something.

Was there a good way to ask if he could just... put Peter in danger? It looked like the guy would probably say no, but. Love required sacrifice, right? He was just being romantic by being willing to let Spiderman's little buddy risk his life. Who wouldn't fall head over heels for that?

The questions made him blink slowly. Okay, maybe Spiderman had never talked to Peter because really? Literally all Wade did was try to smother that guy in as much love as possible. The real question was how could Spiderman NOT know that Wade wanted to hit that, repeatedly, maybe for the rest of his life, with breaks for food and some extremely gay cuddling in between. He wore Spiderman underwear. He called him things like 'Smoochums' and 'Baby boy'. Pounced on him like a preteen anime fan glomping her friends. Sought him out more than anyone. They had matching Christmas sweaters!

"No... no, he definitely knows. He's just skeptical because he thinks I kill people too much." Which he could probably solve by killing fewer people. And to Wade's credit, he has been trying. Kind of. That wasn't the point! "I gotta prove I can be a hero. Some real Captain America type shit."

[spideyguy]

This is one area where they, obviously, diverge. Peter couldn't justify taking a life where it wasn't necessary - and their definition of 'necessary' was decidedly different. Deadpool played judge, jury, and executioner without a second thought; Peter flipping out because he popped up and just offed three people in front of him felt justified.

Not that Peter could deny they were awful, horrible people, but it still left the cloying taste of ash in his mouth. Luckily, Deadpool had started to practice self-restraint - at least, where Spiderman could see him. What happened beyond that, Peter was afraid to ask. It did genuinely seem like the mercenary was trying but - there it was. Mercenary. Peter can't really expect a full 180, no matter how much Wade follows Spidey around like a puppy dog.

"Maybe that's not what he's looking for in a partner." This entire conversation is incredibly surreal. Speculating about Spiderman's love life, advising Deadpool on how to seduce himself. "Another hero type, I mean. Who knows, really, I mean, it's not like we know anything about his dating history. None of those women in the paper were real."

There had been a string of...Peter doesn't know what to call them. Riding the coattails of the latest string of Stark's-my-baby-daddy!, a couple women had called into the Bugle claiming Spiderman had affairs with them. A slow news week coupled with Jonah gleefully using every opportunity to commit libel, and Spiderman had an awkward couple of weeks dodging increasingly ridiculous questions.

"Have you ever asked him out? Explicitly?" Peter's trying to remember himself, but he can't recall anything. Nothing where he thought Wade was serious! Nothing that wasn't punctuated with exaggerated puckering noises or a (what he assumed was joking!) attempt to cop a feel. "Hate to break it to you, but I don't see any Nazis infiltrating Midtown."

"Look - " There was no way he was getting rid of him, and a quick look at the cracked screen of his phone tells him he needs to get a move on if he wants to make it to Dr. Octavius' lab on time. " - I can't stop you following me, but I do have to get to work soon. And honestly - nothing is going to happen to me. So...how about a deal? Follow me the rest of the day, if you want, and we'll go looking for Spidey - later. But if we can't find him, you might have to try something else?"

Will Wade listen to him? Fat chance, but he has to try.

[notryanreynolds]

"Great, cool." Again his eyes rolled. "Maybe he doesn't want someone in the superhero life, but maybe he does. And he's smart enough to at least realize that it would be easier then dating someone not in this line of work. Not having to hide yourself from the person you're in love with." Not that Wade felt like he should have to defend how he felt, it was just annoying that this guy seemed to be making excuses when there was no possible way he could know how Spider-man felt about these things. Not if he knew the guy as little as he claimed to. Wade used that thought to comfort himself.

It was nice to hear none of the rumors about the women were true. He wouldn't lie, he'd been pretty jealous when he read about it. But there was no way the guy would be sleeping with a bunch of people anonymously. He didn't seem the type. And Wade would've been shocked if he heard that Spider-man trusted someone with his identity.

He, too, tried to think back. Had he outright asked him on a date? Not in so many words, but he didn't think Spider-man was dense enough to actually need that. So he was still pretty skeptical about it. "I guess I could try that." Wade rubbed his chin through the rubber of his mask, weighing his options. It would still look better to save his little pet photographer first. So he'd focus on that until he figured out exactly what he needed to say.

He would absolutely argue that there were Nazis in midtown, they just didn't look the way they used to. But that wasn't really the point, and he didn't think he'd win any favors by trying to argue with him about it.

It seemed like it was time to go, so he moved out of his chair and let Peter lead the way to wherever it was that he wanted to go. Work? Did he not sell photos of Spider-man for a living? Whoever owned the paper was clearly not paying what he should for the photos. The deal he was offered didn't sound like a bad one, and the man shrugged in response. "All right. I'll follow you around for the day. If you're as safe as you think, you shouldn't have anything to worry about." His arms crossed over his broad chest, eyebrow lifting dramatically. "Lead on, MacDuff."

[spideyguy]

"Maybe he's not dating anyone." Peter's reply is slightly sheepish after the way Wade seems to be scoffing at him, as if it's totally ludicrous that Spiderman wouldn't have some kind of romantic life. Not hiding his double life kind of...didn't work out the last time around, and whether or not that would be different with a superpowered person - Peter hasn't exactly been keen to test the theory and find out? So it's a bachelor's life for him, which is kind of embarrassing to admit to - and not something random citizen Peter Parker would be privy to, anyhow. "We don't know, uh, for sure."

"It's worth a try. I mean, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right?" Is he passing the buck on to Future Peter? Maybe. If it gets him out of his current situation, he'll write the checks now and figure out how to cash them later. That's always been the way his life works. At least Wade capitulates, letting him out of the booth with little fuss. Peter dumps the notebook and pen into his bag, slinging it over one shoulder, grabbing his skateboard with his remaining free hand.

"Really, I go looking for the trouble, not the other way around." Well, 90% of the time, and not in his civvies. Peter picks up the coffee and offers the remains of it to Wade - he's good, he's done. Whether or not he accepts it, Peter heads out the door, leading the way back out onto the street. They're not far from Dr. Octavius' lab, but given the time, Peter heads for the subway station to their right - the train would get them there on time, at least. It's a testament to NYC's tolerance for the strange and bizarre that only a few heads turn as they walk - all in Wade's direction, with the red-and-black body condom on.

"...you really like Spiderman this much?" Peter can't help but ask, sideyeing Wade as they pick their way down the street and he leads them down into the subway tunnel. "Obviously you do, I just - I mean, without even seeing his face? Or knowing his name? Unless he...told you his name?"